Three years ago, I embarked on my first journey with plant medicine. I had become familiar with the concept of medicines like Ayahuasca and told myself that if the opportunity arose, I would be open to this form of healing. That opportunity came when Petr Czaderna invited me to join one of his ceremonies. Petr, a healer and shaman based in the Czech Republic, had been working with me through his holistic intuitive therapies, which focus on removing energetic blocks from the body. My work with Petr had already started to transform my life, and I felt ready for the next step.
We gathered as a group of about ten people in nature, just outside Prague. The first night, we worked with mushrooms. Although I had some prior recreational experience with mushrooms, I had never taken them in a ceremonial setting, so I didn’t know what to expect. Around 9 p.m., we ingested the mushrooms and settled into our sleeping bags on the floor, waiting for the effects to unfold. Petr created a safe and calming environment, explaining the process in both Czech and English for my benefit. I was the only non-Czech participant, which presented an added challenge due to the language barrier. Fortunately, I had my close friend Filip with me. At the time we were just friends but now he is my partner. Ironically, I had to convince him to try the medicine.
When the medicine began to take effect, I was a little overwhelmed. The mushrooms were powerful. I experienced vivid visions of being in a stark, white room connected to a tube, living life as a simulation. not truly participating but merely observing life pass by. I felt an overwhelming sense of suffering and questioned why we choose to endure it. The nausea I experienced reminded me of the times I had poisoned myself with alcohol and then wallowed in my misery. As others in the room coughed or vomited, it struck me that much of our suffering is a choice. At one point, I got up and encouraged everyone in the room to stop suffering and embrace life. I said, “Come on, let’s stop suffering and enjoy! We have the power within us.” This realization resonated not just in the ceremony but with life itself. We often choose to suffer, creating systems that oppress us and distancing ourselves from what it truly means to be human.
In those visions, I felt profoundly disconnected and inhuman. At one point, I couldn’t even remember the purpose of life or my place in it. The sterile, technology filled room in my vision was devoid of warmth and humanity. It was the darkest place I’ve ever experienced. Cold and controlled by technology, it reminded me of a future I often fear, Slowly, the faces of my loved ones began to emerge in my mind, pulling me back from that abyss.
Later, I found myself in what felt like the womb of my mother. The sleeping bag I was lying in resembled the womb, and a string seemed to represent the umbilical cord. In this state, I felt warm and safe but also unready. Over and over, I repeated in my mind, “Just a little longer.” I sensed the people around me coaxing me to take my first breath, but I resisted, staying in the womb for what felt like an eternity, i was just not ready yet. When I finally began to breathe and emerged from the sleeping bag, it was as if I had been reborn. Holding someone’s hand, I felt the profound importance of human connection. As I stretched and moved my body, I realized I could control my experience through breath. I played with my breathing, discovering I could manipulate time and release tension in my body. The combination of breath, movement, and sound, accentuated by someone playing the harmonica grounded me in the present moment and guided me out of my fear. It was a revelation, these three elements could save me.
Breath, movement, and sound have since become integral to my life and the practices I share with others. They bring us out of our minds and into our bodies, allowing us to feel and heal. My experience with mushrooms connected me to these practices in a deeply personal way. Later, through my studies of breathwork with one Breath institute, I learned that recreating the birth experience can help heal birth trauma. This practice is called rebirthing breathwork and often uses water or a sleeping bag to simulate the womb. By revisiting our birth experience, we can uncover and address emotional blocks rooted in that early moment of life.
In my case, I realized I hadn’t felt ready to be born. When I asked my mother about my birth, she confirmed this, I resisted coming out, and the doctors had to use suction to pull me out. The experience left me with a deformed, cone shaped head. This revelation illuminated a recurring pattern in my life. I often feel unprepared, waiting for “a little more time” before taking action. Like my birth, it has often taken a push or pull from others to get me moving.
Understanding this pattern has been transformative. Now, when I feel unready, I remember my birth. I remind myself that readiness is an illusion, a story we tell ourselves to delay action. My rebirth experience has taught me compassion for myself and the assurance that I’ve always been ready, even when I didn’t believe it. It also allows me to notice this pattern in myself and take action to make sure that I can get things done. Sometimes I will choose a push or pull from others as I know it will get me to my goal.
For years, I dreamed of documenting and sharing my experiences, but I hesitated, feeling unready. Now, I refuse to wait any longer. We are never truly ready, and that’s okay. The journey itself prepares us. I’m grateful for my rebirth experience because it has given me the courage to step forward, trust that I am ready and encouraged me to teach the tools of breath, movement, and sound!
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